Dear Santa,

I'd love to have a vacation for a christmas-birthday gift. A three-day quiet beach living will do. I don't need a luxurious dwelling, a hut like the one in the picture fits my imagination perfectly. I wanna swim, fish, boat but more than that I just wanna sit down, watch, feel the sand beneath my feet, feel the sun on my skin. You know, just lay back and make love(why not?).

And though I've been naughty this year I know you know I'm also nice. :)

                                                                                                          Christine

Things I want to do before I turn 30

1. Own a closet of fashionable wardrobes and stuff. Since I was young I'm an 'anything goes' kind of person. I don't fancy clothes, shoes, and bags and don't have much appreciation to people who do. My interest is in books and gadgets and I look at myself highly for that =) But now, I don't know how it happened I'm beginning to take appearances seriously. I'm more appreciative of details and novelties. Now I can see the beauty behind vanity. It's simply an art of making you feel good about yourself. It's an art, period.

2. Travel and make my own list of most beautiful places in the world like this one.

3. Own a car similar like the picture below. Whew ambition! No I'm not choosy like that in fact I don't know anything about cars. I just want a smooth running fuel-efficient four-wheel thing.

4. Earn my first million.

5. Live on my own with my daughter. Hopefully with a reliable household help(s) aka yaya/stepdad :D. Doing my laundry and dishes is not one of my favorite things to do. I'm not in a rush to own a house with the high construction costs, property taxes, and all. I don't mind renting until I'm rich.

For a sexy healthy new me.

1. The best way to flatten your tummy is not by hundreds of crunches or situps daily but by cardiovascular exercises like jogging and walking (dancing and swimming shall do). Do that at least 3 times a week. My only problem with this is it will lessen my bonding time with my baby. I tried to carry her in a long walk but my chest and arm hurt after, gosh, she gets heavier each step( when I tried to put her down she won't walk in one straight direction) Need to buy a stroller apt for her age.

2. Drink at least six glasses of water everyday to speed up metabolism.

3. Add fiber to your diet. Reduce bad carb intake. Cut down your one bandehado of rice into just 5 spoonfuls (That's the most dreadful part!!!!) Eat fruits and vegetables.

4. Do 250 crunches at least 3 times a week. (I did 20 this morning, and I thought I'm gonna pass out hehe)

5. Don't eat within 3 hours before bedtime. (And I ate more at night because there's a lot to eat at home...It's not one of my strengths fighting temptations errr....)

6. Eat small meals often rather than few big meals. (Good luck, no more pigouts.)

But right now I'm feeling really inspired. I have this image in my head where I'm voluptuous(no love for skinny) and I'm wearing the most provocative dresses =)  

Toys. Toys. Toys.

I'm officially a toy fan. When I get to the mall, I'm always excited to see what are the new toys I can buy for my little one. I usually look for the ones that will develop my baby's IQ(being an IQ person that I am i.e. mapagmatalino :D)

But to my dismay, when i get home my kiddo who's now almost one year old and three months will just touch it once and then deadma na. To think, toys at the malls doesn't come cheap. Sayang ang money.

Here's my observation. Georgina enjoys more the stuff we don't consider toys. Garapon, her milk tray--she's a stacking queen. She loves scraps, stones, flowers, leaves and  anything that we grownups in the house use, she wanna grab to herself like walis, fan, umbrella, laptop, especially cellphones and then imitate what we're doing.

So i thought, at her stage now, I won't buy complicated and pricey toys for her for the meantime(except those legos which I will play myself haha). Which is great because I can save for other things. But still, nobody can stop me looking and trying those cute toys I missed as a child. Drama.

I discovered something I wrote more than a year ago. Whew, I was teary-eyed while reading it. And stunned how safely far away I am from then. 

I placed it here as a testament, as a reminder that anything as heartbreaking as what's happening to me at that moment, shall pass. And also as a thank you to the people who's always behind me whatever katangahan I do with my life... to my family who loves my daughter more than me now. Thank you for your unconditional love that I tend to overlook. To you who held my hand and made me laugh during those trying times and wipe away all my hatred and sorrows ( I haven't even had post partum depression, wow thank you thank you). And also a note to myself.. the ever troublemaker....ano na naman kayang kagagahan ang sunod? Hahaha. Wow, how can i just laught about it now?

Finally my girl can walk on her own

It's one of those proud moments in my life. It's like everything's not gonna be the same again. Cheesy but you'll be too once you become a mother :)

One thing I learned, most part of babies' first steps is they do it on their own. You can do little encouragement here and training there and one day you'll wake up they just walk! Now we grownups have to remind each other to lock the doors all the time lest we'll just find her outside the house which is so beside the national highway.

And she's so into dancing, too. With changing steps pa. Waah.

Benefits for Solo Parents Pushed

From abs-cbnNews.com

With most solo parents bearing the burden of raising the family alone, a bill has been filed in the Senate calling for additional benefits in the form of discounts for purchases of milk, food, medicines, and clothing, and income tax exemption.

Senate Bill No. 1439 entitled "Solo Parents Welfare Act of 2010", filed by Senator Loren Legarda, seeks the following support and benefits for solo parents:

1. Ten percent (10%) discount from all purchases of clothing and clothing materials for the child from birth up to two years;
2. Fifteen (15%) discount from all purchases of baby's milk, food and food supplements;
3. Fifteen (15%) percent discount from all purchases of medicines and other medical supplements/supplies for the child; and
4. Basic personal exemption from individual income tax.

Read full article.

Well, i'm looking for school tuition fees discount or anything that have education in it hah! That's the most nakakaubos-yaman part, i think.
Will this, if passed into a law, reward or encourage unwanted pregnancies and the likes? Hmmm... I think it's in the regulation. There's reproductive bill naman if passed into law supposedly to take care of such things.

Random.

I thought you wouldn't be my child's father for no reason. I have been really trying hard to understand you of your situation but today i already know. You're random. A random thing to me. A random thing to my daughter. You've chosen us to be not part of your life even if you can compromise to. Now you wouldn't spare me of the pain of remembering your lies. Your carelessness is maybe due to stupidity but I suspect it is more to not caring about me, about us. Probably most of the times, you don't even remember we exist.

She may have come from your sperms and she may be using your surname. But that's about it.

Afterlife

My life has been a roller coaster ride and it's no accident, I'm an impulsive and passionate person, I do things at whim. I love and I love like there's no tomorrow. But on the flip side of things, of the mess, all the pain I brought upon myself and other people, there's a kind of beauty in it.

I'm wiser. Maybe we won't agree on what it means. But there's wisdom in mere knowing.

Is this aging or what?

I don't dig facebook or farmville.

I don't hate the jejemons as much as those who are trying to promote them grossly.

My Reader is not getting lots of feeds anymore let alone feeds that makes sense. Grrrr.

I'm not good anymore in masking my moods and distaste even in too trivial matters.

I love double standards when it favors me.

I can feel my anger in my chest i want to immediately spit it out sometimes in the form of acid.

I suspect everything of anything.

Anything goes. But I love a little gossiping and holier-than-thou posturing from time to time.

I can't stand wearing pants. My shorts and onesies are the heaven.

I'm googling health insurace and diet plans.

I don't google my name as much as I used to.

Georgina got sick.

Few weeks ago it's measles, couple of days ago(May 14) it's severe dehydration. Hay, I don't know why my pedia has failed to tell me I need oresol(oral rehydration salt) in handy to prevent Georgina's dehydration during vomiting and lbm.

She had to be admitted to the hospital and it broke my and lola's(nanay's) heart seeing her wailing when the swero has to be inserted into her little hands by the 'evil' nurse. Hay. The lab test says her poop is filled with bacteria.

Then all the guilty feelings come rushing in. If only I were there and not too busy with other things, if I were only more attentive to details, to her diet and to what her malikot na hands has to pick and insert in her mouth. If only so on so forth, it kills me. It came to me that I'm not taking care of her like how i promised to when she's just in my womb.

So now I have to draw out the following plan for Georgina:
1. A more planned diet.
2. More bonding time. Speak to hear more often. Lessen texting.
3. Exercise. Coz I don't feel so well anymore with my body just sitting and standing at the shop whole day. Georgina can't afford to lose me this early. I have many stories to tell her yet.
4. Get a yaya.

Election '10 internalizing

Sometimes I view elections in teary-eyed sentimentality but today, May 10, election day, I have yet to cast my ballot, it's like I'm struck by my own coldness, and the casualness everything appears to me.

I'd love to be optimistic, that's how I was last night while I'm arguing over text with a pessimistic buddy. But today... it's like I don't wanna hear anything about it anymore. Maybe because my bets will lose anyway. Wehehe.

Hay. As much as I want it otherwise, I judge people and people's intelligence based on their votes.

It leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. Weh.

I thought experience's supposed to make you harder, number. It doesn't. Every heartbreak is new. There's no getting used to it. From that time that the sky and earth feels like crashing into you to that slow gnawing pain, the sense of loss that you feel every breathing minute that you almost literally wanna carry yourself from one state to another.

Every heartache is personalized. You cannot compare yours from others'. You don't know until it is owned.